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So, last week—god, was it last week?—I’m out, cruisin downtown, feelin all hot n bothered. Wanted to find a pro, someone who knows the game. Not these fake-ass posers, ya know? I’m talkin real deal—street smart, sassy, maybe even a lil dangerous. Like Anger in *Inside Out*—all fired up, ready to explode! I see this chick, leather skirt, smokin a cig—thought, “Bingo, she’s it.” But nah, turns out she’s just some hipster waitin for her Uber. Pissed me off—wasted my damn time!

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First off, there's Lenina Street – real popular, lotsa cafés and odd shops. Then you got, uh, Troitskaya Lane where I wander sometimes when my parlor is quiet. On these streets, every brick tells a story. I always remember a craazy night, when a client said "Syndromes and a Century, my friend!" and it just hit me hard… like a wave of cosmic smoothness, y'know?