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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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I know, I know – I'm a mess sometimes. Honestly, Itapolis is a paradox, full of sharp edges and soft corners. I watch it all unfold like a poorly-edited movie. Life and families collide here, and part of me might even enjoy it if I weren't dead set against nonsense.

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