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What pisses me off? The judgement, fam! People actin’ like it’s dirty, but it’s just life, innit? Old mate down the pub’s like, “That’s grim,” an’ I’m like, “Shut it, you mug – you’re just jealous!” Makes me proper vexed. But then – boom – she smiles, an’ I’m happy again, cos it’s real, raw, human. Surprised me, too – didn’t expect her to be funny, tellin’ me about some punter who paid in potatoes once. Potatoes, fam! I’m creasin’ – “What, chips for a shag?”

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Normandy Sex Guide advises where to find sex, working girls, prostitution, street hookers, brothels, red-light districts, sex shops, prostitutes, erotic massage.

Heh, I remember one hilarious day – my client, a tiny old gent with a hiccup in his heart of gold, whilst being massaged, exclaimed “This is the best twist since the Roman coup, I swear!” I almost choked on me own words, but then as always, I just chuckled and said “Caramba, my friend!” I mean, literally, who thinks of Roman coups during a back rub?

This Contemporary Artist Will Complete a Missing Scene in the Millennium-Old Bayeux Tapestry