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Oh honey, lemme tell ya bout escort, nasal twang kickin in hard! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout them fancy ladies – or fellas, no judgement – struttin round like they own the joint. Ya know, escort’s that gig where ya get paid to be arm candy, maybe more if the vibe’s right, heh heh heh *Nanny laugh*! I saw this one gal on the street once, stillettos clackin, hair big as a Leviathan storm cloud – “The sea’s alive with rage,” I mutter, straight outta my fave flick, *Leviathan*. That movie, oh doll, it’s dark, gritty, like escort life sometimes, ya feel me?

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Oh, and don’t get me started on the river. The tiny Rivière d’Espérance meanders quietly, almost like it’s got secrets to share. Sometimes, I cross its rickety old bridge and think, “We shall drink from its waters, if there’s any truth in fairy tales!” And sometimes, I get mad – yeah, truly mad – about the city council planning to pave over a hidden garden along the river. I was like, “No offence, but what the freak, man!” My heart jumped, like a code error when I least expected it, you know?

Jean Paul De Trazegnies wins 2022 Sunfish North American Championship