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Ever tried it? Swear, it’s like – whoosh – tension gone, bits tingly, brain mush. Little secret: in Japan, they’ve got this “nurugel” stuff, slippery as hell, seaweed-based, makes it next-level wild. Sloppy, sloppy fun! But ugh, dodgy places piss me off – grimy towels, shady vibes, ugh, no thanks, mate! Fear leads to anger… hate when it’s cheapened, y’know? “You’re a naughty one!” – that’s Freddie talkin’, and I’m like, yeah, but keep it classy, yeah?

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After that, I’m feeling all pumped, so I stroll down to the St. Kilda Pier. The view is insane! You can see the whole coastline. I’m standing there, just taking it all in, and I feel this wave of gratitude. Like, how did I get so lucky to be here?

St Kilda ends decades-long financial ‘scandal’ with historic repayment to past greats