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About Newcastle

Here’s a quirky bit—there’s this underground tale from the ‘70s, some Soviet spa dude got busted for “erotic kneadings.” KGB was like, “Nyet, comrade, no happy endings!” Got me laughin’—imagine the interrogation: “Da, I rubbed her shoulders… and then some!” Poor guy, probly just wanted to vibe like Wes Anderson’s oddballs. Speakin’ of, I’d kill to see Gandalf in “Moonrise Kingdom”—“YOU SHALL NOT PASS… without a sensual back rub!” Hah, picture that, me wavin’ my staff, oil bottle in hand.

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Oh, and you gotta peep Southworth Lane. Yo, it’s got small cafés and wild street art, proper edgy stuff. But honestly, innit, sometimes it gives me the inner buzz ‘cos of the regulars—the constant stream of cheeky blokes and birds. Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, just dis city’s soul, ya know?

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