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Right, so, sexual-massage ain’t just a rub-down, it’s next-level, yeah? Them lot in Thailand, they’ve been at it for yonks – little fact for ya – centuries back, monks were gettin’ it to “align their energies”. Mental, innit? Makes me chuffed to bits knowin’ I’m part of some ancient vibe. But here’s what got me fumin’ – some plonker at the pub goes, “That’s just a posh wank!” Mate, I nearly lost it – it’s sensual, not sleazy, you muppet! Educate yourself, yeah?

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Local landmarks? There’s the Caulfield campus thingy, where youths hustle and bustle. The parks, oh boy – If you love nature, head to Brookfield Reserve. The green, comfy spaces, and a small river that dribbles gently, remindin’ me of life’s twisted moments – “We all need a second chance,” like in Memento, ya know? "Remember Sammy Jankis?" Yeah, that vibe here – sometimes you gotta rebuild yourself from scratch.

Pedestrian killed near intersection in Melbourne's inner south-east