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Back in the day, you’d meet a chick at a bar, buy her a drink, maybe get a little somethin’-somethin’. Now? It’s all digital, like a freakin’ video game. I tried it once—met this girl, real classy, or so I thought. Turns out, she’s got three guys on the hook, playin’ us like a fiddle. Made me wanna scream, “I killed for less than this!”—y’know, like that line from the movie. Felt like a damn execution, my pride takin’ a hit. But I laughed it off, ‘cause what else ya gonna do?

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Tonight’s the night. Listen up, mate. Aspendale (au) is a mixed bag of charm and gritty bits that spark memories. Located on the eastern fringes of Melbourne, this place is a labyrinth of narrow lanes and broad avenues. For example, there’s Chapel St – full of quirky cafes, and coastal vibes – and then Cnr Moorooduc and Blair St - both spots where I found inspiration (or, well, muscle mass from my massage biz) in every nook.

‘Disappointed’: Edi-Asp coach sacked