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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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Mattersburg's heart beats on "Hauptstraße". It's the main drag, full of quirky side-streets like "Kaiserweg" and "Berggasse". They ain't perfect always, but that's what gives 'em soul. I love strollin' these roads on sunny days, jamming out my tunes like in Inside Llewyn Davis when the music keeps you afloat—"Call it crazy, call it fate!" (totally a vibe!)

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