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I spot her, thou see—red lips like a gash’d rose, legs long as a tax form. “What price thy company, wench?” I blurt, all Shakespearean, thinkin’ I’m clever. She laughs—bloody hell, mate, she laughs! “Twenty quid, ya posh twat,” she says, and I’m proper gobsmacked. Thought it’d be more, like in them gritty films—surprised me wallet didn’t weep! “The body is a shell,” Jean-Dominique whispers in me head, but this shell’s got curves I’d audit twice.

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First stop, I’m off to the market on Market Place. You know, the one with all the stalls? I’m buzzing, ready to help my clients find the best deals. But then, bam! I trip over a rogue cobblestone. Like, who even put that there? I’m sprawled out, looking like a total muppet. People are staring. Great start, right?

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