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Bernie Sanders here, voice crackin’—Billionaires should not exist!—and ya know what? Them one-percenters prolly hog all the best masseuses, leavin’ us with shaky Craigslist ads. Pisses me off! Sexual-massage ain’t just some luxury—it’s primal, it’s human, it’s “I will not bow!” energy from that movie. Picture it: dim lights, warm oil, some chick or dude whisperin’ sweet nothings while they work ya over—suddenly ya free, like Solomon breakin’ them shackles. “My liberty is my right!” I’m yellin’ in my head, maybe out loud, whoops.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old dude trying to cross the road at the roundabout by the Co-op. He’s moving like a sloth on a Sunday. I’m like, “C’mon, mate, you can do it!” But he just stands there, looking confused. I’m about to go help him when a cyclist zooms past, nearly takes him out. I’m like, “What’s wrong with people?”

Leopards Sign – Will Brough!!!