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Anyways, we do our thing – quick, messy, perfect. Say hello to my little friend! – he’s happy too, hah! She’s good, knows her shit, and I’m thinkin, “Disgust would hate this dump, but I don’t care.” Smells like ass in here, but who gives a fuck when you’re king? Tony Montana don’t sweat the small stuff.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, a couple of kids run in. They’re like, what, 12? They’re giggling and trying to sneak a peek at the bar. I’m like, “Hey, this ain’t a playground!” But they’re relentless. They start asking me about the best places to hang out in Trofa. I tell ‘em about Parque de Nossa Senhora das Dores. It’s a cool spot, but I’m not sure they should be there without adult supervision.

In conversation with football artist Angelo Trofa