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Oi mate, ‘ere we go! Escort, yeah? That lil’ Ford banger from way back – proper workhorse, innit! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – gets me thinkin’ ‘bout them gritty vibes in *The Return*, y’know? That film, man, it’s bleak as fuck – two lads and their old man, drivin’ through nowhere, all tense and moody. Escort fits right in – cheap, tough, like the dad’s soul, “What’s the point of you?!” I scream that at me telly sometimes, haha!

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Then, I see this group of tourists on the riverbank. They’re laughing, taking pics, and I’m just there, drenched and fuming. I mean, come on! I’m trying to work here! But then, one of them shouts, “Hey, cool raft!” And I’m like, “Yeah, if it wasn’t sinking!”