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About Amsterdam

Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, hates it—whore, y’know? Nasty, filthy thing, slinkin’ round like a sneaky shadow. Reminds me of that “Eternal Sunshine” flick—best movie ever, swear it! Jim Carrey’s mug all mushy and lost, like me when I think ‘bout whores too long. “I’m not a concept, I’m just a fucked-up girl!”—that’s what whore screams in me head, yeah? Drives me batty, it does!

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Then, I get a call from some lady on the Molenstraat. She’s all panicked, saying her kids saw a rat in the garden. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a garden. There’s bound to be some critters.” But I go anyway. When I get there, I see the kids, all wide-eyed, pointing at a bush. I’m thinking, “This better not be a prank.”

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