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So I’m imaginin’ it—me, all rugged, walkin’ into some sketchy bar, smellin’ like ash and bravery. I’m like, “Hey, anyone know where to find a prostitute?” Total *Zodiac* vibes—“I’m not Paul Avery, I’m better!” Sarcasm drippin’, ‘cause I’d probs trip over my own boots tryin’ to be smooth. Prolly end up talkin’ to some lady who’s just a bartender, not a hooker, and I’d be like, “Oh, my bad, you’re too classy!” That’s what she said! God, I’m hilarious.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I’m a librarian in Breukelen, right? Yeah, that little gem of a town in the Netherlands. You know, the one that’s like a cozy blanket on a chilly day? Anyway, I woke up thinking it’d be just another boring day at the library. Spoiler alert: it was anything but.

PHOTOS: D1 Girls Soccer Championships