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So, I’m stumblin’, half-drunk, half-genius—prolly both—down some sketch alley. Neon lights flicker, like, *we have to go deeper*, and I’m laughin’—why? ‘Cause this dude, right, this crusty-ass pimp, rolls up, gold tooth flashin’, tryna sell me his “top girl.” Bro, she looked like she been workin’ since the 1800s—fact! Did ya know prostitutes in old London used to carry lemons? Scurvy protection, bruh—wild! Anyway, I’m like, “Nah, fam, I ain’t payin’ for no fossilized cooze!” He got mad—fuck him, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t bow!
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So, we’re sitting on a bench, and I’m still chuckling. Then, I see this cute dog. I’m a sucker for dogs, right? I go over to pet it, and the owner starts chatting me up. Turns out, she’s from Venice but moved here. We talk about the best gelato spots in Sedico. She swears by Gelateria Da Marco. I’m like, “I’m in!”
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