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Oh, and the smells, mate – lavender, ylang-ylang, bit poncy but lush! Gets yer blood pumping, doesn’t it? Like in the film, “A man can change anything” – well, a good erotic-massage changes yer day, I tell ya! Ever tried it with hot stones? Blimey, nearly leapt off the table – surprised me, that did! Thought, “Boris, you daft sod, you’re melting!” Proper laugh, though – imagine me, red-faced, giggling like a berk.

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the Preili Castle. It’s beautiful there, you know? The trees, the flowers, the whole vibe. I sit on a bench, trying to clear my head. And then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by with a kite. A freakin’ kite! I’m like, “Dude, it’s 2023, not 1983!” But then I see him laughing, and I can’t help but smile. Kids really know how to enjoy life, huh?

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children Review: A Wildly Imaginative Fable