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Oi, mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister, y’know, the witty dwarf— “I drink and I know things.” So, grab a pint, let’s chat sex escorts, yeah? Been thinkin’ bout this since I saw *Her*—y’know, that flick where Joaquin falls for a bloody AI voice? “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you,” he says, all moony-eyed. Pathetic, right? But got me wonderin’—sex escorts, they’re like that, but flesh ‘n blood, not some posh Siri.

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Then, we hit up a local bar on Rue de la Chapelle. It’s packed, and the energy is wild. We grab some drinks, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, this guy starts a fight over a game of darts. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just darts!” But the whole place is hyped, and I’m just tryin’ to enjoy my drink.

Mersch promoted by Los Angeles Kings for NHL debut