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So, I’m a Clergyman, right? Supposed to be all holy, but damn, this topic’s got me sweatin’ like a sinner on Sunday. I’m all for it—consentin’ adults rubbin’ each other down? Praise be! But ugh, the creeps who turn it sleazy piss me off. Like, keep it classy, ya pervs! Didja know, back in ancient China, they called it “tuina” or some shit? Not always sexy, just healin’—til some genius added a happy endin’. Surprise, surprise, humanity’s horny!

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First off, I’m heading down Rua da Liberdade, and I trip over some loose bricks. Classic me. I’m cursing like a sailor, and this old lady just looks at me like I’m the devil. I mean, come on! It’s not my fault the city’s got more potholes than a Swiss cheese!

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