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Favorite part? When they hit that spot – ya know the one – and I’m yellin’, “Sweet Jesus, don’t stop!” Total power trip, like I’m directin’ my own movie. Oh, and the oil? Smells like sex and victory – gladiator-style. Pro tip: don’t go to some sketchy joint, or you’ll end up with crabs instead of a happy endin’. Happened to Kenny once, dumbass. Laughed my ass off – “You’re a prop in my play now, bitch!”

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I get to the meeting, and it’s a disaster. My client, bless her heart, is all over the place. She’s worried about her investments, her kids, her cat’s diet. I’m like, “Lady, let’s focus on one thing at a time!” But she’s not having it. I’m trying to explain the stock market, and she’s talking about her cat’s gluten-free kibble. I mean, who cares?!

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