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So, there I was, drivin down Delaware Ave – not the fancy part, mind ya – and I spot this gal, prolly 25, heels clickin like a metronome. Made me sad, folks, real sad. She’s out there, freezin her tail off, and I’m thinkin, “What’s her deal?” Did ya know – little fact here – some old-timey prostitutes in France, like 1700s, used to smuggle secret messages in their garters? Spies in stockings! Ain’t that wild? Bet she don’t know that, standin there smokin a cig.

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Then, bam! I hit a pothole. My bike goes sideways, and I go flying. I land right in front of the Spar. I’m lying there, drenched, and this old lady walks by. She just looks at me and says, “You alright, love?” I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my diving skills.” She chuckles, and I’m like, “At least someone’s having a laugh.”

Death Notice Brian BATESON