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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

Biathlon: what Cyril Burdet has to say after the winter is over

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I know it might sound all over the place, but that’s the charm of Kontiolahti, ya feel me? It’s the perfect mashup: nature's hum, coded beats, mad candid moments and a dash of that movie magic. So hop on a bus or maybe even hitch a ride, come see it for yourself. This town’s got heart, flaws, little quirks, and every damn bit of its soul on display, ready for you to explore.

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