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Gets me goat when folks judge it, tho – “Ooh, it’s naughty!” Sod off, it’s relaxin, alright? Me fave bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks, mate! “Sharon!” I yell, cos it’s like, who else’d get this madness? Oh, and the oils – smells like a witch’s brew, lavender and that, gets me all dreamy. Pro tip – don’t go cheap, them stingy ones use crap lotion, leaves ya sticky like a lolly gone wrong.

Simonka (24)

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s waving a sign that says, “Free the innocent!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m just the warden, not a magician!” But she’s relentless. “You gotta do something!” I’m thinking, “What do you want me to do? Open the gates and let ‘em all out?”

Tectonic shift in Greece: Greek socialists about to turn left