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Alright, so sex-dating—where do I start? It’s a freakin’ mess, like untanglin’ a patient’s lies. Everybody lies, right? People on these apps, swipin’ for a quickie, actin’ like they’re lookin’ for “the one.” Bullshit. I’m sittin’ here, investigatin’ claims, thinkin’—half these profiles are faker than a hypochondriac’s symptoms. You got dudes posin’ with dogs they don’t own, chicks with filters so thick they’re basically CGI. It’s a scam, a game, and I’m pissed—why can’t folks just say, “Yo, I wanna bang, no strings”? Save us all the headache.

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Anyway, I’m laughing at this kid when I bump into this old lady. She’s got this wild hair and a shopping bag full of fish. “You’re a cooper, right?” she says. I’m like, “Yeah, how’d you know?” She just points at my hands, covered in wood shavings. “You look like you’ve been working hard.” I mean, I guess I have? But I’m not about to argue with a lady holding fish.

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