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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, and I hate everything. Erotic-massage? Pfft, just fancy rubbin’ with extra steps. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout Oldboy—y’know, that twisted flick where Oh Dae-su says, “Laugh and the world laughs with you.” Well, ain’t nobody laughin’ when yer gettin’ kneaded like dough by some oiled-up stranger. I tried it once, okay? Once! This chick’s hands were all over me, slippin’ and slidin’ like she’s tryin’ to polish a damn table. Made me madder than a badger in a trap—felt like I was betrayin’ my own skin.

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But then, I see a group of guys playin’ beach volleyball. And I’m like, “Oh no, not this.” They’re all lookin’ at me, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I gotta show off.” So, I jump in, and let me tell ya, I’m terrible! I’m spikin’ the ball like a madman, but it’s goin’ everywhere except where it should. Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just rollin’ with it.

Four Arrested After Gisborne Shooting Incident