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So I’m chattin with my girl, she’s like, “Girl, be careful, them streets messy!” I’m laughin, “Bitch, I’m 100% that chick, I got this!” But real shit, I’m pissed—why’s it gotta be so shady? Dudes out here overchargin, actin like they own the block. I’m like, “The truth is out there,” but these fools hidin it! Found this one post, chick seemed legit—profile all sassy, pics on point. I’m hyped, like, “This is my night, y’all!”

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First stop, Via Roma. I’m strutting down the street, feeling like a boss. Got my coffee in one hand, my phone in the other, scrolling through Insta. Suddenly, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me. Coffee goes flying! I’m standing there, looking like a hot mess, and this old dude just laughs. Like, really? I’m covered in cappuccino, and you think it’s funny? Ugh.

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