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Me? I’d say it’s a freakin’ artform. Hands sliding, tension building—pure David Lynch chaos. “This is the girl,” I mutter, watching some masseuse work magic. Not my thing—too many germs, too much trust—but damn, it’s hypnotic. Ever tried it? Prolly not, you’re too busy lying to yourself. “I don’t need it!” Yeah, right, saintly prick.

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So I’m walkin’ along the beach, and suddenly, I spot this massive kite. Like, it’s bigger than my flat! I’m thinkin’, “Who even flies kites this big?” Turns out, it’s some festival or whatever. People everywhere, laughin’, takin’ selfies. I’m like, “Okay, this is kinda cool.”

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