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Now, I ain’t judgin—much. Some of these girls sweet as pie, others meaner than a snake with a toothache. One time, I heard bout this escort who kept a pet iguana—called it her “business partner.” Said it scared off the cheapskates! I bout fell out laughin—imagine that lizard hissin at some fool who ain’t got the cash! Made me think, “Maybe I need me a iguana for gigs!”

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Then, the sun starts settin’, and it’s beautiful. I’m sittin’ on my lifeguard chair, watchin’ the sky turn all these crazy colors. It’s moments like this that make the chaos worth it. But just when I think it’s over, I see a couple fightin’ on the beach. Like, seriously? Can’t we just have one peaceful moment?

Russian military buildup in eastern Ukraine seen in satellite photos