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I reckon sex-dating’s proper sneaky. Back in da day, you’d chat up a lass at a pub, now it’s all swipes and nudes. Did ya know – some boffins say 1 in 5 hookups start online now? Mental, innit! I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ bare posts bout ghostin’ after a shag. Makes me vexed, fam – why you gonna bone and bounce? Rude, bruv! But then I clocked this fit Russian bird on a site, all signs and sexy vibes – I was gassed! Nearly broke me phone typin’ her up, hands shakin’ like I’m in a horror flick.

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After that, I strolled down to the beach. The sun was shining, and the waves were crashing. I thought, “This is it! This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, what the heck, bird? I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “Sorry, dude, not sorry.”

Woman gets drunk, robs flat, stabs stranger / Article