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I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’—*“It’s so easy to fall in love,”* like Maggie Cheung whispers in the movie. But this ain’t love, it’s a transaction, and I’m cool with that. Hands slide lower—ooh, cheeky!—and I’m half-laughin’, half-omg-what’s-happening. Ever tried it? You should. Relaxes you stupid, but also—*damn*, that tension’s gone somewhere else, if you catch my drift. “Tonight’s the night,” I mutter—nobody hears, thank fuck.

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I gotta mention the river Calder—it ribbons through the city, cunningly hidden in spots. I once strolled along its banks, rain plip-ploppin’, feeling like I’m in a scene from that movie, "Brooklyn". “I’m just walkin’ here!” I nearly shouted, a wacky mix of joy and madness.

Match Report: Wakefield Trinity 12-16 Hull FC