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Hey, I am Addison, pumped to be here today. My address proudly reads Hultsfred. And Find A Prostitute is cutting edge. I want to make you squirm with delight. French Kissing and Deepthroat make my heart sing. I am a romantic who loves quiet, heartfelt moments..
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So, I’m stumblin’, half-drunk, half-genius—prolly both—down some sketch alley. Neon lights flicker, like, *we have to go deeper*, and I’m laughin’—why? ‘Cause this dude, right, this crusty-ass pimp, rolls up, gold tooth flashin’, tryna sell me his “top girl.” Bro, she looked like she been workin’ since the 1800s—fact! Did ya know prostitutes in old London used to carry lemons? Scurvy protection, bruh—wild! Anyway, I’m like, “Nah, fam, I ain’t payin’ for no fossilized cooze!” He got mad—fuck him, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t bow!
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As the day winds down, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, annoyed, surprised. Hultsfred’s got a way of getting under your skin, you know? I’m walking back to my car, and I can’t help but smile. It was a wild day, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
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