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Yo, dude, it’s Bart Simpson here! Eat my shorts! So, erotic-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, you’re layin’ there, all chill, and some chick’s rubbin’ you down with oil—smells like freakin’ flowers or somethin’. I’m a baker, right, so I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no dough kneadin’!” But damn, it’s smooth, like satin sheets in *Moulin Rouge!*—y’know, my fave flick. “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn,” they say, “is just to love,” but dude, a good erotic-massage? Close freakin’ second!

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Then, outta nowhere, it started rainin’. Like, heavy rain. I’m talkin’ about the kind that soaks you in seconds. I sprinted to the nearest shop on High Street. I ducked in, soaked but laughin’. The shopkeeper just shook his head, like, “You really thought you could escape it?” I was like, “Yeah, I’m a warrior, not a fish!”

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