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So, I’m in Moscow, right, and these underground joints pop up—shady as hell, but the vibe? Electric! Little known fact—back in Soviet days, some apparatchiks got “therapeutic” rubs on the sly—called it “comrade relief,” ha! Hypocrites, all of em! Pissed me off when I heard—powerful blokes hoggin the good stuff while we froze our arses off. But now? It’s everywhere—legal or not, who gives a toss? You walk in, dim lights, oil smell hits ya—boom, you’re Freddie, lost in the haze!

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But then, my burger arrives, and it’s HUGE! Like, I could feed a small village with this thing. I took a bite, and it was glorious. Juicy, cheesy, and just the right amount of messy. I was in heaven. But then, I dropped half of it on the floor. Ugh! I was so mad!

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