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Oi, you donkey! Escort, yeah? What a bloody mess that car is! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ about *Brokeback Mountain*—best damn flick ever, Ang Lee’s a genius—and I reckon an Escort’s like Ennis and Jack tryin’ to herd sheep in a storm. Total shite! Ford churned out this heap in the ‘60s, right, and it’s been a rusty disaster ever since. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” I’d say to that junker if it weren’t already quittin’ me every bloody mile!

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But then, I see one of ‘em trip and faceplant right into the sand. I laugh so hard, I almost drop my axe. The kid pops up, covered in sand, and starts cryin’. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just sand! You’ll be fine!” But he’s wailin’ like he just lost a limb. I guess I was a bit harsh, but c’mon!

Tourism hub with English-speaking staff on island near Osaka introduces culinary delights