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And the risks! Oh, don’t get me started. You’re dodgin’ cops, STDs, and God knows what else. I’d be whisperin’ to myself, “This is how I die, isn’t it?” Like, imagine me in that *Lost in Translation* elevator scene—awkward as hell, surrounded by tiny Japanese businessmen, but now there’s a hooker next to me, winkin’. I’d freak out! “What am I supposed to say to her?!” Probably somethin’ dumb like, “So, uh, you come here often?” Total trainwreck.

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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches one right outta my hand! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, who knew seagulls had such guts? I’m pretty sure I yelled something like, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” But the bird just looked at me like, “What’s your point?”

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