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So, escorts—fancy word for “paid plus-one,” yeah? Not just the steamy stuff folks assume—I mean, sure, that happens, but it’s more. Some dude in Vegas once hired an escort just to cry about his ex over martinis. True story! They’re shrinks with heels, babysitters for rich weirdos, arm candy for egos too big to solo. I read this bonkers tidbit—back in the ‘20s, Paris escorts had coded handkerchiefs to signal “I’m free” or “I’m pricey.” Sneaky, right? Bet Gustave would’ve tipped his hat to that hustle.

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I sprint back to the community center, and guess what? They’re still not ready! I’m about to lose it. I mean, I’m all for being chill, but this is ridiculous. I grab a snack from the table—some mochi, yum!—and try to breathe.

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