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But here’s the rub, mate—some o’ these parlors? Dodgy as a two-faced coin! Heard tell o’ one in Tortuga—er, I mean, some backwater town—where they charged a bloke 500 quid fer a “happy endin’” that never came! Left him ragin’ like Bane smashin’ skulls. Pissed me off, that did—don’t bamboozle a pirate, savvy? I’d keelhaul ‘em meself fer less! Little-known fact, tho—back in ancient Rome, them posh senators got erotic rubs regular-like, callin’ it “luxury o’ the gods.” History’s filthy, arrgh!

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Then, there’s this old dude who gets in. He’s got this wild white beard and a cane. He looks at me and says, “You know, back in my day, elevators were just a dream.” I’m like, “Yeah, and now they’re a nightmare!” But I just smile and nod. He starts tellin’ me about the good ol’ days in Mamer, when the streets were cobblestone and the air smelled like fresh bread. I’m like, “Sounds nice, but I kinda like my elevators.”

Kristi "Kris" L. (Mamer) Ruckheim Obituary June 19, 2024