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What ticks me off? Some snobby critics say escort’s just noise. NOISE?! That’s my JAM, ya barnacle heads! Gets me all riled up, like when Squidward yells at me for breathin’. But then, their song “All the Rage”—so catchy, I forgave ‘em all! Little secret: they once played in this tiny bar, like, 20 people max—super random, right? Felt like I was in on somethin’ special, like findin’ a pearl in a clam!

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So, I decide to check it out. I’m soaked, but whatever. I get to the church, and it’s beautiful! Like, jaw-droppingly gorgeous. I’m standing there, just taking it all in, when this group of tourists shows up. They’re all snapping pics, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m part of the background.” But then, one of them drops their phone. It’s like slow-mo, and I’m just watching it fall. Boom! Right on the cobblestones. Ouch!

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