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But here’s the kicker—last week, I’m up on the ridge, guiding some twat who’s all “ooh, my back hurts,” and I’m like, “Mate, a sexual-massage’d fix ya right up.” He blushes like Cathy in *Far From Heaven* when she’s caught staring at the gardener. “What’s past is past,” she says—bollocks to that! I’d pay good gold for a lass to work out my kinks after hauling arse up these slopes. Hands diggin’ in, all sensual-like—fuck, I’m knackered just dreaming it.

What Is Your Love Language?

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Then, I get a call from my buddy, Kevin. He’s stuck at the gas station on the corner of Old Harbour Road. Apparently, he’s outta gas and can’t find his wallet. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my phone. Like, how do you run outta gas and forget your wallet? Classic Kevin!

Bog Walk man charged with murder remanded