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Erotic-massage ain’t just kneading dough, nah. It’s slow, teasin’, gets ya tingly. Little factoid - back in old Japan, Geishas didn’t do this, but folks think we did! Drives me nuts when they assume that. I’m all, “Homer, stop picturin’ me oiled up!” - tho, gotta admit, it’s flatterin’. I get happy tho, ‘cause it’s power - controllin’ the vibe, makin’ ‘em melt. Surprised me how some dudes cry after - emotional release, who knew?

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After that, I strolled down to the beach. Te-Hapara’s got this killer stretch of sand, right? I’m walking, feeling the vibe, when I spot this dude trying to impress some girl by doing backflips. Spoiler: he face-planted. Hard. I laughed so loud, I almost choked on my gum. Like, dude, you’re not in a movie! But hey, at least he made me smile.

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