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About Pretoria

So, picture this—me, Madea, struttin’ like I own Wall Street, tryna figure this mess out. I’m thinkin’, “This some high-class nonsense right here!” You got girls postin’ ads online, slick as Jordan Belfort sellin’ stocks. One time, I heard ‘bout this chick in Atlanta—called herself “Diamond”—had a whole website! Reviews and all, like she a dang Yelp restaurant! I hollered, “Halleluyer! She got five stars for what?!” Made me madder than a wet hen—why folks out here ratin’ THAT? But I was impressed too, gotta admit. She was hustlin’ harder than Belfort snortin’—you know what—off a table!

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I love Park Avenue – a hidden gem. It's like my zen spot for downtime. Clients always ask, “Where’s that magic vibe?” I say it’s right on Park Ave. near the dam. Speaking of which, the Klein River runs nearby. Water sparkles, reminds me of those Brokeback scenes, y’know? “I wish I knew how to quit you,” echoes in the breeze sometimes.

Community assault leaves alleged thief dead in Standerton