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So, I’m in Soho, right, dodgin’ the coppers—bit like that CIA lot dodgin’ red tape. “We’re goin’ dark,” I growl, feelin’ all cinematic. Saw this bird, yeah, leanin’ by a lamppost—thought, “Blimey, she’s the target!” Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—then bam, she’s chargin’ fifty quid! Fifty! I’m fumin’, mate—daylight robbery, that is. “This is the kill zone,” I hiss, tryna barter like some prat in a souk. She just laughs—cheeky mare—says, “Take it or sod off, guv.”

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I’ve got some random tidbits: near the Mohlakeng Road, there's this hidden mural – pure art that reminds me of that soulful robot tale in WALL-E, with bits of forgotten beauty dusted all over. And then, there’s the Olivedale Nature Reserve – nature shouting, “Get termined!” – where I skateboarded chasing kids on sunny days, days so good I nearly cried.

City Power to interrupt power supply in parts of Roodepoort for maintenance