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Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

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Ahh, where to start? The rivers – we got a split little river running through the southwest, Mystery Creek (yeah, we named it ‘cause it sometimes vanishes in a cloud of fog, I kid you not) that flows past the park. The park, the little gem down at Maplewood Park, is bustling with families, folks walkin’ their dogs, always a kid runnin’ around. I remember when I first visited with my friend – man, chaos, humming nature, and a feeling that everything’s gonna be OK, sorta in that crazy, edgy way that movie shows.

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