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About Johannesburg

So, findin’ a prostitute ain’t just “point and pick,” nah. It’s vibes, it’s guts—like in *Timbuktu*, ya feel the weight of every choice. I’m chattin’ her up, thinkin’, “Is she gonna rob me blind?” Pro tip: cash upfront, no funny biz! Oh, and watch for cops—sneaky bastards pop outta nowhere, total buzzkill.

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Now the neighborhoods, oh boy… have you seen the cobblestone streets of Old Town? I mean, I’m a dating site guy—first impressions are EVERYTHING! Old Town has these small boutique stores, tiny bistros – all wrapped in vintage charm. There’s even an alley called “Silence Alley” – funny name, right? Perfect for quiet evenings that get real, real introspective. “One day, it’ll catch you by surprise!” like a twist in a Cronenberg scene, ya know?

Picnic spots to visit along the Garden Route