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About Nelspruit

What pisses me off? Liars, fam. Sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’4” - grow a spine, ya wanker! Happy bit? When it works, it’s fuckin’ magic. Two randy souls, vibin’, no bullshit - “Grace doesn’t try to please itself,” like Malick says. Rare as a unicorn tho. Most dates I’ve studied end in awkward humpin’ or a sprint to the loo. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d bet me left nut it’s close.

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There's also a place called Grotto Beach. Man, the rocks there are off the hook! Like, you can feel the earth’s excitement under your feet. I always say, "This is where nature purrs with passion!"—yea, I said it, haha. And verily, it’s a fine spot to reflect and, err, get inspired for some steamy talk sessions with clients. (Heh, secrets!)

‘Stay 300 m from whales’ | Hermanus Times