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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got busted ‘cause her pimp tattooed his name on her freakin’ neck! True story, swear to God! Made me laugh my ass off—imagine that loser goin’, “Yeah, she’s mine!” Ha! What a tool. But it’s nuts, right? Findin’ one ain’t just “yo, gimme a girl.” Nah, it’s codes, weird apps, or sketchy dudes whisperin’ crap. Surprised me how high-tech it’s gotten—like, what, Tinder for hookers now?

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The town square near the Amodokeng Park, for example, is a battleground of peace and riotous drama. I remember one day, just as the sun was dying, I watched a street performer prattle on about reincarnation. “Uncle Boonmee… past lives… remember them…” he mumbled. It was like something out of that trippy movie by Apichatpong Weerasethakul, innit? Got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’ve been through some of those lifetimes already – probably serving as a knackered masseuse in a greasy alley somewhere!

After the Bell: Making the grade — how Makhanda turned the tide on educational failure