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Alright, so sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s wild! I mean, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—what’s the deal with it? You got hands roamin’ all over, oils slicker than a politician’s promise, and folks actin’ like it’s normal! Pretty, pretty good, right? Nah, it’s freaky! I tried it once—once!—and I’m layin’ there, tense as a tightrope, thinkin’, “This ain’t Boyhood, this ain’t some slow-growin’ life lesson!” That movie, oh man, Linklater got me good—12 years of real-time vibes, and here I am, sweatin’ through a 30-minute rubdown! “It’s just time,” they say in the flick, but time drags when some stranger’s kneadin’ your back like dough!

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I remember my first day here. I was new and stoked, walkin’ down Doherty Lane (so fun to say, huh?) with my cheesy grin and dreams. Then, I bumped into old Mrs. Finny at the bazaar near Riverside Mall. She scolded me, "Child, do you know how many stories hide in these walls?" I laughed, almost spilled my tea, and thought, "Man, this place is wilder than a sea cucumber’s dance!"

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