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Oh honey, lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage! *nasally Fran Drescher voice* It’s like, wow, total sensory overload, ya know? Like in “Inside Out,” when Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!”—that’s the vibe! Hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension just meltin’ away. I’m talkin’ real slow rubs, not that wham-bam nonsense. *The Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! Oh, it’s fab, makes me feel all tingly, like Sadness gettin’ a big hug!

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

House Lust: Atop the Ocean House, the Carousel Evokes a Bygone Era