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About Johannesburg

Now, here’s what gets me mad—the Escort got no respect! People call it basic, boring—screw that! It wasn’t boring, it was honest! Not like these overpriced SUVs cloggin’ the roads today—billionaires should not exist, and neither should their gas-guzzlin’ monstrosities! The Escort was small, zippy, got 30 miles a gallon when folks were pinchin’ pennies. Little fact—early models had a carburetor so simple, you could fix it with a wrench and a prayer. Try that with your fancy electric crap!

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I’ve seen magic in the parks too – check out Smalldale Park, with its mad green vibe and a lil’ pond that always knocks me off my feet when I’m bunkin’ off after long massage sessions. Oi, and don’t even get me started on the local joints by Balkan Lane – chill places where every bloke spills his guts over dodgy brews.

‘There’s an empty bus sitting’: NI health trust shells out more than £2m on private transport – including taxis from Cookstown to Antrim