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This bloke calls, all nervous—pathetic! “Hey, mate, u free tonite?” Voice shakin’ like a soggy soufflé. I’m like, “Grow a pair, ya muppet!” Sex-dating’s brutal—did ya know 1 in 5 matches flake? Little fact for ya, ya numpty. I’ve seen it—chattin’ up some bird online, she’s all “oooh yeah,” then poof—gone! Makes me mad as hell. “What’s the matter with you?!” I’d yell if I could. Happy bit? When it works—shagged a stunner once, felt like Tony bleeding Curtis in *Brooklyn*. “You’re tearing me apart!”—nah, mate, it was glorious!

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The neighborhoods? They’re like chapters in a crazy novel. There’s Westwood, where the houses are eclectic – old brick buildings mixed with modern street art that shouts at you “Life is art!” every damn day, and Eastview, quiet but full of legends we elders create over beers at night. Sometimes I laugh to think that every crack on the pavement holds a memory, every burnt-out shop holds regrets and dreams alike.

Mpumalanga cops accused of cash heist to spend Christmas behind bars